This one time I burst my eardrum on a hydroslide and it hurt like hell.
(Also known as “perforated eardrum” or “ruptured eardrum”)
I was careening down the hydroslide at Waimarino Adventure Park during a Christmas party at work – head first, on a hydroslide mat.
The hydroslide ends with a 1.5 metre drop into the river.
The kayak hydroslide with the 1.5m drop into the river
As I was in mid-air I turned my head to the right just before I hit the water (foolish!).
The water shot into my ear at high velocity, I heard a “BANG!!” as I entered the water.
Thank god I was wearing a life-jacket because when I bobbed back to the surface I was in such pain I couldn’t even doggy-paddle.
The world was spinning. It felt like someone was pushing on my head to try and dunk me back into the water.
All I could do was hold my head in my hands and try not to spew.
I yelled to one of my workmates for help, thankfully he was close by on the river bank.
I’m known for my pranks and office shenanigans but thank goodness he took me seriously and jumped in immediately to rescue me.
Perhaps it was the blood that was trickling from my ear that told him I was serious.
Another workmate jumped in too (he’s a part-time surf lifesaver) and they pulled me to the bank.
It took about 15 minutes for the vertigo to subside to the point where I could walk. But I still felt too sick to eat the huge BBQ dinner that was now ready to eat. I also have a reputation for a big appetite – especially for free food – so it was sad to let the team down on that one.
A trip to the A&E confirmed a perforated eardrum. But thankfully I healed fast and there was no permanent damage.
A few months later I was in the surf when I turned my head at just the wrong moment when a wave was crashing down on me and “BANG!” I burst it again!
I stumbled back to my wife on the beach holding my head. I still felt sick this time, but the perforation must have been very small because I recovered in 10 minutes and didn’t feel the need to see a doctor this time.
To prevent this from happening again I always tuck my chin and and “head-butt” waves. It works. Try it.
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Is it because the liquid stays colder for longer?
Is it because the part that is contact with your lips is rounded and smooth?
Is it because the glass feels solid, real and extravagant in your hand?
I’m not talking about car batteries – those you can take to any metal recycler and get about $2 for them.
I’m talking about non-rechargeable AA batteries (and battery sizes AAA, C and D).
All my AA’s are rechargeable except for the ones that come free sometimes with some electronics.
Like me, do you feel guilty when the non-rechargeable batteries are spent, and you throw them in the bin?
I’ve been told that especially the ones with mercury in them are hazardous to the environment, so what can we do with them?
Can we recycle them?
And more importantly is it free to do so? (If I have to courier them somewhere or drive 10km out of my way to deliver them to a collection point, forget it. I’ll just throw them in the bin).
So what’s the solution?
I propose that household batteries are added to the list of items we can add to our recycling bins. Surely someone can make a few dollars down the line by harvesting the metals from them?
What do you think?
In New Zealand the word “dope” commonly means “Marijuana”. And in the news we often hear of sport stars being caught cheating in events by “doping”.
Therefore one might assume that somehow these athletes have been using Dope to enhance their sports performance.
That is not the case.
In full, the term is “blood doping” and is not as evil as it sounds.
The atheletes are not injecting themselves with drugs at all.
They are injecting themselves with their own blood.
Yes, that’s right.
For months before their big race they:
- Transfuse their blood
- Increase the concentration of Red Blood Cells (mainly by removing water)
- Freeze it
Then the blood, high in Red Blood Cells, is thawed and pumped back into their blood stream before the race.
Why?
Because Red Blood Cells carry oxygen from the lungs to the muscles, and more RBCs in the blood can improve an athlete’s aerobic capacity (VO2 max) and endurance.
RBCs can be concentrated, frozen and later thawed with little loss of viability or activity.
Interestingly, a similar affect can be achieved by training at high altitude. The body compensates for the reduced volume of oxygen in each breath, by producing extra RBCs so the lungs become more efficient at extracting oxygen from every lung-full.
But it’s expensive to go and live and train in the mountains for months at a time.
I think the little press-down indicators on the top of the lids for paper cups are a brilliant invention.
For example, let’s say you are going to McDonalds and you are getting 5 hot beverages:
- Black coffee
- Black decaf coffee
- White coffee with sugar
- White decaf coffee
- Hot chocolate
If the McDonalds staff member pressed down the appropriate buttons on the plastic lids, you can see at a glance which hot beverage is which.
So why don’t staff ever use them?
Annoying!
And another one: Many pizza boxes have similar indicators on the side of the box. And example is Hell Pizza. They have every flavour of pizza listed on the side of the box, all the staff member would have to do it circle the flavour with a pen.
A few times I’ve had parties when we’ve ordered 6 or more pizza’s and it would have been very handy to actually know which flavour we had in front of us.
But Hell Pizza employees never mark the pizza flavour on the side of the box either.
Annoying!
I just feel sorry for the dude that invented these things, got them accepted into mainstream but they don’t get used in practice.
Shame.
It’s confession time!
This one time I shoplifted a keyring from the souvenir shop at the Polynesian Spa in Rotorua.
(I couldn’t find a photo of the NZ version, but the American equivalent is shown on the right)
I was about 10 years old at the time.
While I was waiting for the rest of the family to finish getting changed, I was staring at this particular keyring which had all the NZ bank notes as miniture plastic versions.
I think the price was about $4, which was way out of my league (my weekly pocket money was about $2). So after 10 minutes of sweating and stressing and checking to see if I was being watched, I put it in my pocket and took off.
I kept it hidden in a drawer beside my bed. I couldn’t show anyone, because they might ask where I got it and I think I would crack under the pressure and confess.
I was racked with guilt for weeks. Until, finally, I couldn’t take it anymore. I buried it deep in the rubbish bin, and tried to forget about it.
But I couldn’t forget.
10 years later, I still felt guilty.
I was about 20 years old when I went back to the Polynesian Spa. I went straight up to the souvenir counter and said “Hello. Ten years ago I stole a keyring from here. Please accept my apology and my payment of $10.” I handed over a $10 note and walked away.
The person at the counter just said “oh… thank you!”
Finally, I was free.
Are you carrying around any guilt?
Don’t let it eat at you for 10 years.
Make it right. Pay for it and ask for forgiveness. Be free.
When you are on an upper level in a tall building, and you step into the elevator, do you hesitate for a moment trying to decide which button to press to get back to street level?
I sure do.
But I’m no longer embarrased about it, because after a quick Google search, I now know I’m not alone.
In New Zealand elevators, most street level floors are called “G”, but I’m pretty sure I’ve come accross some that are marked with “1″.
Infact I’ve just discovered (thanks to Wikipedia) that for the first 4 floors:
- Japanese elevators use 1F, 2F, 3F, 4F
- English elevators use G, 1, 2, 3
- American elevators use G/1, 2, 3, 4
But I think I will be ok from now on, because I’ve just learned that most of the time, the street level floor is marked with an asterix!
Hooray!
Just for fun, here’s a fanclub on Facebook complaining about a new library’s floor numbering system.
At first glance, catching criminals based on DNA evidence sounds really appealing.
Occassionally on the news you hear about cold cases being solved because, years later, the criminal responsible for the crime is caught for an unrelated crime, is DNA profiled, and is connected to the cold case through a DNA match with evidence at the scene of the old crime.
Fantastic!
A win for society!
But what if a criminal came to your house before committing a string of burglaries, stole your favourite pillow, and shook your pillow through all the houses they burgled that week, thereby depositing your skins cells, your DNA, through-out those crime scenes?
Still think DNA profiling is a good idea?
So why does planet earth loose entire species of animals and plants every day?
Is it natural selection?
Is it survival of the fittest?
Is it loss of habitat from mankind chopping down the rain forests?
Is it climate change which destroys the ecosystems of these creatures?
I don’t think so.
My theory is that endangered species are endangered because they are tasty.
In some cases they were tasty to humans so we ate them out of existence (eg The Moa).
In other cases they were tasty to predators so they ate them out of existence (eg The Dodo).
Here is my list of what I suspect are the tastiest animals left on the planet. I am super keen to nibble on them for sure:
- Imagine Giant Panda kebabs with BBQ sauce
- Imagine thick pan-fried Blue Whale steaks with mushrooms
- Imagine bacon and Albatross Egg toasted sandwiches
- Imagine char-grilled Arakan Forest Turtle with hollandaise sauce
Hmmmmm yum!!. I hope I get a chance before they are all gone!
A particularly tasty looking extinct animal - The Dodo
That is all.
- Sheltron.