I Locked My Self In A Locker. It Was Unpleasant.

This one time I thought it would be fun if I climbed inside a locker at The Geyserland Hotel in Rotorua.

There was barely enough room for me. I basically had to contort to fit in there.

The locking mechanism was completely exposed, I was confident there would be no problem opening it once I got inside.

I crammed myself in there and closed the door, and peaked out through the tiny vent and felt very proud of myself.

After a few moments I decided I had enough and tried to turn the latch.

It wouldn’t budge!

To my dismay it became evident that it wouldn’t move without the key!

I started to panic.  It got hot in there very quickly and since I was half way between sitting and standing it was terribly uncomfortable.

I started yelling for help but no-one came.

I kept screaming until someone finally came running in.

It took him a while to find out where I was.

“In here! In here!” I was yelling.

“Where? Where?” he yelled back and I could see him running around the room.

He found my locker at last and tried the handle but it wouldn’t move.

“Where’s the key?” he asked.

“Here” I sobbed and tried to poke the key with it’s huge keyring through the tiny ventilation slots, but it wouldn’t fit.

“I’ll go and get a manager with a master key!”

“Hurry!” I yelled as he left.

Finally a manager came to let me out. I was drenched in sweat, shaking and whimpering, but I survived.

I’ve been mildly claustrophobic ever since.

I Helped Light A Friends Fart And Burnt His Nut Sack

This one time at school camp in a hut on Mount Tongariro, 2 mates and I thought it would be good fun to light our farts.

One mate announced he was ready and got into position with just his undies on.

My job was to hold the lighter in position, but I got too close and burnt a hole in his undies and singed his nut sack.

He howled in pain while we howled with laughter.

Good times. 🙂

Want to see some video footage of people lighting their farts?

How Long Will It Take For Gmail To Reach 10GB Of Storage?

Did you notice that last year the rate of increase on the Gmail homepage slowed considerably?

In fact, the current rate increases storage by just 4 bytes per second which is only 345.6 Kb per day. Equivalent to one unoptimised photo from your digital camera.

So how long will it take for online storage to grow from today’s 7.3GB to 10GB?

  • 4 bytes per second growth
  • 7438.721503: Current MB
  • 7438721503: Current bytes
  • 10000: Target MB
  • 10000000000: Target bytes
  • 2561278497: Shortfall in bytes
  • 640319624.3: Seconds to get there
  • 7411.106762: Days
  • 20.30440209: Years

20 more years until Gmail online storage grows to 10GB!

**UPDATE** On the 24th of April 2012 Gmail bumped up storage to 10GB to make things smoother with their new Google Drive which is a cloud storage service that competes with DropBox and Microsoft’s SkyDrive.

4 Reasons Why The Internet Hasn’t Made TV Redundant Yet (And Never Will)

What will happen

  • The internet will take an ever increasing share of advertising expenditure
  • The quality of TV programming may reduce because of less advertising dollars sponsoring development
  • The audience will continue to fragment between an ever increasing number of channels

But TV won’t become redundant.

Why?

4 Reasons Why The Internet Hasn’t Made TV Redundant Yet (And Never Will)

1. Watching TV Requires Less Equipment

To watch TV you just need 3 things: a TV, a remote control and some potato chips.

To watch videos on the internet you need keyboard, mouse, monitor, speakers, computer (or a laptop with all this build in), internet connection, desk (or a lap).

2. You Can Sit On The Couch When You Watch TV

That is more comfortable and more social than sitting on an office chair in the spare room.

And TV’s are big.

Who has a TV that is smaller than their computer monitor?

No one,  that’s who.

3. TV Content Is Always Playing

Just change the channel to change the content. One press of a button is all you need.  The channels are running 24 hours a day, you don’t have to click the “Play” button.

For videos on the internet you have the additional hassle of searching for them. Exhausting.

And then you have to click the “Play” button!

And then you have the added hassle of wading through all the garbage before you find something funny. At least on TV another human has deemed the content of interest to most people, with YouTube videos you’ll get all sorts of pointless shit in your face. It feels like your life is draining away.

4. TV Demands Your Attention Right Now Because Of The Schedule

If you don’t watch the TV show now, you’ll miss it. (Yes, yes, I’ve heard of TiVo, but most of the time a show is interesting enough to sit and watch it right now, but not valuable enough to actually bother to record it)

Videos on the internet are there forever, there’s no hurry.

Do you agree? Do you disagree?

Add your comments below, don’t just sit there like a passive vegetable, speak up!

A Mobile Phone For Phone Calls And Text Messages – No Other Features Please!

That’s all my dad wants in a cellphone.

Just 2 functions:

1. Phone Calls

  • Huge “Dial” and “Hang Up” buttons
  • Huge characters on screen so he can see his address book

2. Text Messages

  • A mind reading interface would be good here because the current system with “every key makes 3 letters” nor a QWERTY keyboard are going to help

So when is the cellphone manufacturers going to start taking away features rather than adding more on?

Bicycle Running Costs: How Much Does Your Bike Cost To Run Per Kilometre?

I have 2 bikes: a road bike that I used for triathlons in 2008/2009, and a mountain bike for commuting (with road slicks).

Road Bike Costs (3 years)

  • Initial purchase (second hand): $600
  • Initial upgrades: $600
  • Servicing, tyres, cables, brakes, innertubes, puncture kits: $460
  • Value if sold: -$400
  • Total Costs: $1200

Kilometres travelled:

  • 9 months x 100km/week = 4,000 km

Cost per kilometre:

  • $1200/4000 = 30c/km

Mountain Bike Costs (6 years)

  • Initial purchase (new): $500
  • Lights, night gear: $300
  • Tyres: $80 x 6 = $480
  • Innertubes, puncture kits: $10 x 16 = $160
  • Servicing, cables, brakes: $400
  • Value if sold: -$100
  • Total: $1440

Kilometres travelled:

  • 3 years commuting = 50 weeks x 4 days/week x 15km/day = 3000km
  • 3 years casual = 150 weeks x 5 days/week x 6km/day = 4000km
  • Total: 7000km

Cost per kilometre:

  • $1440/7000 = 20.6c/km

Conclusion

  • The bicycle running costs overall are $2640/11,000 = 24c per kilometre

I Got So Fed Up With The High Prices, I Abandoned My Shopping Trolley

This one time I got so fed up with the high prices in the neighbourhood supermarket (Woolworths), that I abandoned my half-full shopping trolley in the middle of an isle and drove 10km to the nearest Pak ‘n’ Save instead.

I ended up saving about $15, but spent $4 extra in petrol and 25 minutes commuting.

But I just hate being ripped off, no matter what the cost.

I wonder how long it took for the Woolworths staff to decide that the trolley was abandoned and I wasn’t coming back?

Maybe they checked all the freezers just in case it belonged to an old lady who had fallen into one and couldn’t get out?

I’d Like The Challenging Of Losing 100kg, But I’m Too Lazy To Put On 100kg First

I quite enjoyed the first season of The Biggest Loser (but didn’t bother watching subsequent seasons).

I’m quite a competitive person and I would really like to do a challenge like losing 100kg of weight.

If I could snap my fingers and become 186kg, I’d do it right now.

But the thought of all that work of over-eating and under-exercising for 6 months to get there?

No way.

I’m too lazy for that.