Birthday Cards: 5 Reasons Why I Hate Them

There’s nothing I hate more than getting a Happy Birthday card on my birthday.


I’m talking about the ones you buy from a shop for $5.95, scribble “To Sheldon” at the top, and “Love from your_name” at the bottom with some stupid generic message sandwiched in the middle.

5 Reasons Why I Hate Birthday Cards:

#1. Because you wasted $5.95, you chump

You could have spent that $6 on either:

  • Added on to the value of my gift, or
  • If you didn’t get me a gift, could have used to buy me a gift

#2. Because the pre-printed message means nothing to me

The pre-printed message on the cover or inside of the card means nothing to me because you didn’t write it.

Some dude who I’ll never meet wrote it 5 years ago and he wasn’t thinking about me when he wrote it.

#3. Because “humour” card’s are never funny

The joke is on you because you paid $6 for it.

If I wanted to read a joke I’d search the interweb.

#4. Because you are killing rainforests and the cute fuzzy creatures that live within them

Because people who buy Birthday Cards are creating demand through the supply chain for card >> paper >> pulp >> wood >> rainforest clearing

#5. Because you’re wasting resources

Going to the shop, buying the card, writing a message, posting it to me – all of that is wasting time, money and resources that you could be spending on increasing the size of my gift.

What’s Next?

  • If you hate birthday cards as much as I do, say so in the comments below
  • If you love birthday cards, re-read this article and realise that you now hate them